


the one thing we never write down

by Casylum



Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Jane Austen Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, Gen, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-28 19:59:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casylum/pseuds/Casylum
Summary: HOME FOR RENT – MERYTON: Netherfield Hall (1 Netherfield Lane, S------, XXXXX); 20 rooms (4 bath, 6 bed), 9527 sq/ft. Renter also has access to 320 acres of surrounding park land. £5000/mo. For inquiries, call XXX-XXX-XXXX.~~~Netherfield Hall is let at last, & the Bennet sisters have a house party to attend.





	the one thing we never write down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rosied](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosied/gifts).



> for [rosied](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosied) as part of the [Wayback Exchange 2019]().
> 
> Title taken from a line of dialogue in Mira Grant's _Blackout_.

**THE MERYTON OBSERVER – 05/05/XX**

**[** … **]**

**CLASSIFIED ADS – LOCAL & REGIONAL**

**[** … **]**

**HOME FOR RENT – MERYTON**

Netherfield Hall (1 Netherfield Lane, S------, XXXXX); 20 rooms (4 bath, 6 bed), 9527 sq/ft. Renter also has access to 320 acres of surrounding park land. £5000/mo. For inquiries, call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

~~~

**CALL LOG – MERYTON REALTY ASSC. (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**

**10:39AM – TUESDAY 05/07/XX**  
**INCOMING: UNKNOWN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**  
**TO: MERYTON REALTY ASSC. (** XXX-XXX-XXXX, EXT 5 **)**  
**CALL TIME: 00:20:32**

~~~

**CONTACT: HUSBAND (MOBILE)**

**> > HUSBAND:** don’t forget to put in the order for the brisket, my dear, you know That Man will be by for dinner soon

                           **> > ME:** how could I forget

                           **> > ME:** seeing as he’s called no less than four times in the last two days to remind us

                           **> > ME:** my poor nerves

**> > HUSBAND:** perhaps your nerves will be enough to drive him out a bit faster than he’d intended

                           **> > ME:** one can only hope

                           **> > ME:** OH!! Wonderful news! Just got off the phone with a lovely chap, sounds like he’s from the North

                           **> > ME:** more money than sense, but isn’t that just the way of it

                           **> > ME:** ANYWAY!! He’s put in to rent Netherfield Hall for the summer!!

**> > HUSBAND:** you’ve gotten an actual human person to rent that pile?

**> > HUSBAND:** Edythe, you marvel

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE**  
**CONTACTS: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**

**> > LYDS:** OMG

>> **LYDS:** you guys

>> **LYDS:** you gUYS

**> > KITKAT**: what

**> > JB:** Lydia, what’s wrong?

**> > LYDS:** nothing’s WRONG

**> > MERBEAR:** if this is about the rugby again

**> > MERBEAR:** i am not responsible for any future actions

**> > LYDS:** omg it wasn’t rugby

**> > LYDS:** it was the fuzz & fire games

**> > LYDS:** and they were all shirtless

**> > LYDS:** shirtless & rIPPED

                           >> **ME:** sorry, i’ve been in class

                           >> **ME:** what’s this about the rugby

**> > LYDS:** it’s nOTHING about the rugby okay

**> > LYDS:** NETHERFIELD HALL, GUYS

**> > LYDS:** MOM’S WHITE WHALE

**> > LYDS:** SHE’S GOT A RENTER

~~~

**RENTAL AGREEMENT – MERYTON REALTY ASSC.**

I, the undersigned, understand and accept the terms laid out by MERYTON REALTY ASSCOCIATES (hereafter referred to as “MRA”) and their representatives concerning the rental of NETHERFIELD HALL (located at 1 Netherfield Lane, S------, XXXXX, hereafter referred to as “the property”) starting 05/14/XX and ending at an as of yet unspecified date. […]

                           **X. CHARLES BINGLEY (** Renter **) |  05/10/XX      X. EDYTHE BENNET (** Realty Agent, MRA **)  |  05/10/XX**

~~~

**CONTACT: JAM (MOBILE) – 05/14/XX**

**> > JAM: **Mary, dear

**> > JAM:** I know you don’t care, but I thought you’d like to know that I just saw moving trucks go by the store

**> > JAM: **they took the turn-off for Netherfield, so that’s Mother’s renter making themselves at home

**> > JAM:** just in case you wanted to get out of Lydia’s way

                           **> > ME:** jane, you’re a saint, bless you

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE – 05/15/XX**  
**CONTACTS: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**

**> > KITKAT:** LYDIA!!! LYDIA DID YOU SEE????

**> > LYDS:** I DIIIIIIIID

**> > LYDS:** okay, okay, so

**> > LYDS:** kitty & i have dIRT

**> > KITKAT:** which, if asked, we found out accidentally, in mysterious ways, that no one is sure about

**> > LYDS:** and has nothing to do with taking advantage of the fact that Netherfield Park is technically public land

**> > JB:** oh, dear

**> > KITKAT:** shhhh, janey, no laws were broken this afternoon

**> > LYDS:** & even if they were, liz would get us off

                           **> > ME:** i don’t think you quite understand what i’m going to school for

**> > MERBEAR:** we’ve all seen you fight with mother

**> > MERBEAR:** i don’t think mpd have anyone made of sterner stuff

**> > KITKAT:** right, we’d be fine

**> > LYDS:** A N Y W A Y

**> > LYDS: **the dirt

**> > LYDS:** obvi we know they’re super rich, right, bc mom’s basically made her whole salary plus bonus or w/e on one month’s rent alone

**> > KITKAT:** PLOT TWIST, THO

**> > KITKAT:** THEY’RE H O T

**> > LYDS:** or, at least, young

**> > MERBEAR:** so your news is that instead of old rich people taking up the hall all summer

**> > MERBEAR:** it’s gonna be /young/ rich people?

**> > LYDS:** YOUNG RICH PEOPLE WHO ARE PLANNING A HOUSE PARTY

**> > KITKAT:** YOUNG RICH PEOPLE WHO TALKED TO DAD ABOUT THE GROUNDS AND INVITED US TO COME TO THEIR HOUSE PARTY

**> > JB:** oh no

~~~

**CONTACT: ELIZA (MOBILE) – 05/16/XX**

                           **> > ME:** as I’m sure our sisters have told you

                           **> > ME:** the tenants of Netherfield are as follows

                           **> > ME:** two ladies who look like they’ve never shopped off Savile Row

                           **> > ME:** the ginger gent mum’s extorting

                           >> **ME:** and someone Kitty would only describe as “a grumpy bear, but, like, in a hot way”

**> > ELIZA:** kitty thinks everyone is hot right now

                           **> > ME:** well, the hot bear has a sister her age, so hopefully she’ll make a friend in her quest to ogle

**> > ELIZA:** jAnE

~~~

**BANK STATEMENT: CHARLES BINGLEY**  
**FOR THE PERIOD: 05/12 – 05/18**

**05/12** – AMEX E-PAYMENT 6290 - £301.12  
**05/13** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE TEXACO #9973 KENSINGTON - £17.23  
**05/14** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE SUGAR & SPICE BAKERY CAFÉ - £6.50  
**05/14** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE TESCO #5542 - £156.89  
**05/15** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE SUGAR & SPICE BAKERY CAFÉ - £6.50  
**05/16** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE SUGAR & SPICE BAKERY CAFÉ - £6.50  
**05/17** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE SUGAR & SPICE BAKERY CAFÉ - £6.50  
**05/17** – MERRY-TON PLANNING & CATERING CO. - £1331.75  
**05/18** – CHECK CARD PURCHASE SUGAR & SPICE BAKERY CAFÉ - £6.50

**~~~**

**CONTACT: LOULOU (MOBILE) – 05/19/XX**

              **> > ME:** lou, charlie’s dumped us in the sticks for the summer

**> > LOULOU:** i know this you told me this you’ve been there for days

**> > LOULOU:** plus

**> > LOULOU:** didn’t you say darcy was coming with

**> > LOULOU:** like idk what you’re complaining abt

**> > LOULOU:** also bold of you to say ‘us’

              **> > ME:** did i stutter

              **> > ME:** the sticks loulou

              **> > ME:** the middle of nowhere

              **> > ME:** there’s not even a waitrose for 40km

              **> > ME:** also charlie’s fallen for a barista and is hosting a party to woo her or something

              **> > ME:** so now we’ll never leave

**> > LOULOU:** could be worse

**> > LOULOU:** could be darcy again

              **> > ME:** i hate you

~~~

**CALL LOG – EDYTHE BENNET (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**

**MISSED CALL: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 7:45AM, 05/20/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 7:53AM, 05/20/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 8:01AM, 05/20/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 8:09AM, 05/20/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 8:14AM, 05/20/XX**

**VISUAL VOICEMAIL – EDYTHE BENNET (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**

**LEFT BY: THAT MAN (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 8:14AM, 05/20/XX**  
**DURATION: 00:07:39**

**TRANSCRIPT:** Edythe? Edythe, this is Barnaby Collins, from Rosings? I wanted to call to let you know that I was setting out on my trip, and that I plan to reach Longbourne by the 26th. My neighbor, Lady Catherine, says that now is the best time for travel in the West Country, which is why I can’t possibly impinge on your hospitality before I see the appropriate sights, as I’m sure she’ll ask about them the next time I see her. Additionally, I just wanted to remind you of my dietary restrictions, which […]

~~~

**TO: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**FROM: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: THESIS REVISIONS**  
**SENT: 4:37PM, 05/21/XX**  
**ATTACHMENTS (2): ECBTHESIS-REV4.DOCX (XXKB), ECBBIBLIO-REV4.DOCX (XXKB)**

Bennet,

What is this utter garbage. If I wanted to read trite, overwrought musings on the plight of the lower class, I'd read the Guardian, or teach freshmen. I expect better of you. The topic at hand is history and its continuing effects on our reality, what you’ve given me is reality in the way ITV's Victoria is reality—passed through so many hands, interpretations, and cloying layers of sympathy and over-identification that it no longer has any meaning.

You’ll find my comments in the attached,

C. De Bourgh, Ph.D.

~~~

**TO: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**FROM: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: THESIS REVISIONS**  
**SENT: 11:54PM, 05/24/XX**  
**ATTACHMENTS (2): ECBTHESIS-REV5.DOCX (XXKB), ECBBIBLIO-REV5.DOCX (XXKB)**

Professor,

I made some changes, added a few more sources I found in the depths of Balliol’s microfiche collection. As you’ll see, I disagreed with your points on pages 6, 14, and 32, but hopefully I’ve excised the triteness of which you despair so much.

E. Bennet

~~~

**CONTACT: CINDER-LOTTIE (MOBILE) – 05/25/XX**

                           **> > ME:** chaaaaaarlotte

                           **> > ME:** charlotte save me

**> > CINDER-LOTTIE:** what’s wrong

                           **> > ME:** BARNABY

                           **> > ME:** well, that & lady c is busting my ass over this thesis, i think i’ve started to dream in, like, academic jargon

                           **> > ME:** but mostly Barnaby

**> > CINDER-LOTTIE:** do you want me to come home with you

                           **> > ME:** gOd yes

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE – 05/26/XX**  
**CONTACTS: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**

**> > MERBEAR:** so, uhm

**> > MERBEAR:** I’d like to invoke the familial right of throwing off old shame

**> > MERBEAR: **I have a confession to make

**> > LYDS:** is it that you snogged george by the bins behind the caf on the last day of school

**> > LYDS:** because we already knew about that

**> > KITKAT:** lyds has been running a /very/ subtle campaign of lgbt acceptance on mom

**> > KITKAT:** in case you haven’t noticed

**> > JB: **is that why mother asked me if you were gay, Lydia?

                           **> > ME:** so when we say subtle…

**> > LYDIA: **HUSH

**> > MERBEAR: **ANYWAY

**> > MERBEAR:** NOT THAT I’M ALL THAT EAGER ABOUT THIS

**> > MERBEAR:** BUT BACK TO MY SHAME???

**> > JB:** sorry, Mary, you were saying? We shouldn’t have interrupted

**> > MERBEAR:** thank you

                           **> > ME:** jesus, mer, how long you gonna type for

**> > KITKAT: **maybe she killed someone

**> > LYDS: **maybe she misquoted levi-strauss

**> > JB:** come on, you guys, be reasonable

**> > MERBEAR:** so back when I was young and foolish and didn’t know that he who should not be named lest we summon him like the pox upon our house that he is was, you know, all that, I may have, potentially, have the teeniest bit of a crush on him

**> > MERBEAR:** but now I’m older I realize it was just adolescent confusion and I would like to be absolved of all crimes

**> > MERBEAR: **also he’s been here for exactly forty-six minutes and I know this not because I’m counting (I am) but because he just announced it to mother

**> > KITKAT:** how is this somehow worse

**> > KITKAT:** than the idea of you murdering someone

**> > LYDS:** bc barnaby still lives

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE – 05/27/XX**  
**CONTACTS: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**

                           **> > ME:** i’m gonna kill him

                           **> > ME:** i’ve only been home for two hours, but

                           **> > ME:** i’m gonna kill him

~~~

**NEW NOTE CREATED ON 05/27/XX AT 10:49PM**

CHARLOTTE!!!! I thought about sending this to you and then I realized that if I did I’d have to type it all out and also I KNOW lyds and kitty use my phone to get extra lives on that one game they play and I don’t need them reading this and blabbing it to mom because she’s already about to EXPLODE I don’t need her to actually BURST from RAGE

But I was talking to Barnaby after dinner because I forgot to make up an excuse to not hang around or to necessitate me doing the dishes or whatever

And he had the gall, the GALL, the (extreme LCDB voice) TEMERITY

To suggest that Prof. De Bourgh was doing me a KINDNESS, a GREAT FAVOR, enacting EXTREME CHARITY by helping me with my thesis

As if a) she weren’t assigned to me by the college, b) I weren’t capable of doing my own favors thank you very goddamn much, and c) as if lady c had a single charitable bone in her body

And then he asked me if you were single and I’ve been slowly losing my mind ever since

**NOTE DELETED ON 05/27/XX AT 11:02PM**

~~~

**TO: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**FROM: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: THESIS REVISIONS**  
**SENT: 6:11PM, 05/28/XX**  
**ATTACHMENTS (2): ECBTHESIS-REV5.DOCX (XXKB), ECBBIBLIO-REV5.DOCX (XXKB)**

Bennet,

Remind me: who has the doctorate here? Who is—despite all your efforts to the contrary—trying to help you join our hallowed ranks?

Comments in the attached,

 C. De Bourgh, Ph.D.

~~~

**TO: THE BENNET GIRLS, 34 LONGBOURNE COURT, S------, XXXXX**  
**FROM: CHARLES BINGLEY, 1 NETHERFIELD LANE, S------, XXXXX**  
**POSTMARKED: 05/29/XX**

We cordially invite

Ms. Jane Bennet  
Ms. Elizabeth Bennet  
Ms. Mary Bennet  
Ms. Lydia Bennet  
Ms. Catherine Bennet

to join us from 12 to 19 June at Netherfield Hall for a week of entertainment, friendship, & adventure.  
Pack a bag, & RSVP to XXX-XXX-XXXX by 06 June.

~~~

**GUEST LIST FOR CHARLIE’S SUPER COOL SUMMER BASH, REV. 06/03/XX**

CATHERINE BENNET – RSVP?  
ELIZABETH BENNET – RSVP?  
JANE BENNET – RSVP?  
LYDIA BENNET – RSVP?  
MARY BENNET – RSVP?  
JAMES BENWICK – RSVP? **N** (he’s down in bath with lou)  
CAROLINE BINGLEY – RSVP? **Y**  
CHARLES BINGLEY – RSVP? **Y** (obvi!!)  
MACKENZIE BRANDON – RSVP? **Y** (tho kezza says he won’t be up ‘til second day)  
FRANK CHURCHILL – RSVP?  
HENRY CRAWFORD – RSVP?  
MARIA CRAWFORD – RSVP?  
SOPHIA CROFT – RSVP?  
FITZWILLIAM DARCY (FITZ!!) – RSVP? **Y**  
GEORGIANA DARCY – RSVP? **Y**  
MARIANNE DASHWOOD – RSVP? **Y**  
ELINOR DASHWOOD – RSVP?  
ANNE DE BOURGH – RSVP? **Y**  
ANNE ELLIOT – RSVP?  
JANE FAIRFAX – RSVP?  
KERRY FITZWILLIAM – RSVP? **Y**  
LOUISA HEARST – RSVP? **Y**  
GEORGE KNIGHTLEY – RSVP?  
CHARLOTTE LUCAS – RSVP?  
CATHERINE MORLAND – RSVP?  
LOUISA MUSGROVE – RSVP? **N** (had that bad fall, jamie’s looking after her)  
ELEANOR TILNEY – RSVP? **Y** (remember to send her da the Unfun Itinerary)  
HENRY TILNEY – RSVP? **N** (can’t, he’s got that thing at seminary, save a spot anyway)  
FREDERICA VERNON – RSVP?  
FREDERICK WENTWORTH – RSVP?  
EMMA WOODHOUSE – RSVP? **Y** (remember to ask maria if she & jane still hate each other)

~~~

**TO: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**FROM: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: THESIS REVISIONS**  
**SENT: 3:12PM, 06/03/XX**  
**ATTACHMENTS (2): ECBTHESIS-REV6.DOCX (XXKB), ECBBIBLIO-REV6.DOCX (XXKB)**

Professor,

Here is the last revision you’ll be getting out of me until August, as we discussed in May. Don’t worry, I’m making my way through the reading list you had Dr. Ferrars draw up for me, I’m sure you’ll despair of my conclusions as soon as I get back. I hope you have a pleasant holiday break, and that my latest research isn’t too offensive to your eyes.

 E. Bennet

~~~

**CALL LOG – CHARLES BINGLEY (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**  
**11:52AM – WEDNESDAY 06/05/XX**

**INCOMING: JANE BENNET (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**  
**TO: CHARLES BINGLEY (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**  
**CALL TIME: 00:13:47**

~~~

**CONTACT: FITZ (MOBILE) – 06/05/XX**

                           **> >ME:** FIIIIIIITZ

                           **> >ME:** FITZ SHE SAID YES

**> > FITZ:** who said what

                           **> > ME:** jane bennet, the apple of my eye, the jewel of my heart, the maker of the best coffee in meryton

**> > FITZ:** oh, that “she”

**> > FITZ:** you know that’s just drip coffee, right

**> > FITZ:** a wombat could make that

                           **> > ME:** don’t be like that

                           **> > ME:** and if that’s true, she’s my favorite wombat

~~~

**FROM: M_GARDINER@GMAIL.CO.UK**  
**TO: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: LAKE DISTRICT**  
**SENT: 9:21AM, 06/06/XX**

Dearest Lizzie,

I had meant to send this earlier, but things came up, your uncle and I were all aflutter, and, well. Your mother’s not the only flighty one in this family (oh, how your Auntie Constance bemoans us).

Excuses aside, however, your uncle and I wanted to invite you along on our tour of the Lake District. It would start the 18th of this month (again, I am _sorry_ about the timing, but Edythe promises me you’re free) and run until 25th (we’d have you back at Longbourne by the 26th).

Let me know if you’d like to come, and don’t worry about putting us out; the ticket package was a gift, and otherwise the third spot will just go to waste. We’ll be swinging around to see your mum by the 14th, so if you don’t see this we’ll just ask you in person.

Yours,

Auntie Mairin

~~~

**CONTACT: JANE BENNET (XXX-XXX-XXXX) – 06/07/XX**

                           **> >ME:** hi jane!

                           **> >ME:** it’s caro bingley

                           **> >ME:** we met at Sugar & Spice?

                           **> >ME:** charlie gave me your number from the rsvp

                           **> >ME:** i hope that’s not creepy

**> > JANE BENNET: **Oh, not at all

                           **> >ME:** how are you doing

**> > JANE BENNET: **Just fine, just fine

                           **> >ME:** my sister louisa’s coming down this weekend to help with planning and whatnot

                           **> >ME:** and i wondered if you’d like to come over for tea?

                           **> >ME:** say, on sunday afternoon?

**> > JANE BENNET: **Oh, I’d love that

**> > JANE BENNET: **I’ll bring some pastries from the café

**> > JANE BENNET: **Keep your brother from buying us out of orange chocolate scones

~~~

**CALL LOG – MERYTON POLICE DEPARTMENT (NON-EMERGENCY LINE)**  
**11:41PM – SATURDAY 06/08/XX**

**INCOMING: LAURA LUCAS (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **)**  
**TO: MPD NON-EMERGENCY LINE (** XXX-XXX-XXXX, EXT. 2 **)**  
**CALL TIME: 00:09:14**

**SUMMARY:** The caller (Laura Lucas, 1 Lucas Lodge Lane, S------, XXXXX) expressed concern about the level of noise coming from a nearby residence (34 Longbourne Court, S------, XXXXX). The caller did not believe that the noise indicated a violent or otherwise dangerous encounter, but did note that it “wasn’t like the [residents of Longbourne] to be that loud, unless the rugby’s on.” It was additionally noted by the caller that it is currently the off-season. A unit was dispatched to follow up on the call.

~~~

**FROM: WB.COLLINS@HOTMAIL.CO.UK**  
**TO: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**SUBJECT: THE INDIGNITIES WHICH I HAVE SUFFERED WILL NOT BE BOURNE**  
**SENT: 10:43AM, 06/09/XX**

My dearest Lady Catherine,

As you may know, I was until extremely recently visiting my cousins in S------ (one of whom you may know, a Ms. Elizabeth Bennet), until I was unjustly and rudely thrown out of their home early this morning on the thinnest of pretenses.

I was staying with them, as I have every right to do as a member of their family, and I made certain pleasant compliments towards one of their other houseguests, as I have every right to do as a living, breathing human, and I was met—not with gracious thanks, oh no!—but with shrieks and outrage and an admonishment to never darken their door again, or something to that effect.

It is my hope that you, as a homeowner of good standing in our mutual residence of Rosings, will make it clear to the Bennet family (particularly, as I mentioned before, Ms. Elizabeth Bennet, with whom you have such a close affiliation) that their behavior was entirely out of turn, and that I shall expect a heartfelt and detailed apology from each member of the family before my visit in September.

Additionally […]

**~~~**

**FROM: CATHERINE.DEBOURGH@PEMBROKE.OX.AC.UK**  
**TO: WB.COLLINS@HOTMAIL.CO.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: THE INDIGNITIES WHICH I HAVE SUFF…**  
**SENT: 8:01PM, 06/09/XX**

Shove off, Barnaby

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BRANDON’S PRIVATEERS – 06/11/XX**  
**CONTACTS: CAP, CHARLIE, FITZ, JAMIE, KEZZA, MAC**

**> > MAC: **charlie you’ve outdone yourself

**> > KEZZA:** is it for a girl

**> > KEZZA:** he always does this sort of thing for girls

**> > CHARLIE:** it’s not for a girl!!

**> > FITZ:** it’s for a girl

**> > KEZZA: **told you

**> > CHARLIE: **fitz you have zero room to talk

**> > CHARLIE:** i saw you do a double-take yesterday

                           **> >ME:** ooooh, fitz met someone

**> > JAMIE:** caro will be furious

**> > CHARLIE:** okay, first of all, caro hasn’t had a thing for fitz since high school

**> > JAMIE:** keep telling yourself that

**> > FITZ:** second of all, and most importantly, there is a huge difference between a double-take and “meeting somebody”

**> > KEZZA: **i thought this was charlie’s list

**> > MAC:** it’s charlie’s house party, he’s doing enough

**> > CAP: **this is why hank’s in jesus school

**> > CAP:** to absolve us of this bullshit

                           **> > ME: **we don’t do jesus, but thanks

~~~

**FROM: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
**TO: M_GARDINER@GMAIL.CO.UK**  
**SUBJECT: RE: LAKE DISTRICT**  
**DRAFT SAVED: 8:14AM, 06/12/XX**

Auntie Mairin,

Apologies for the delay in replying, Jane made me take a week’s break from e-mail after I got home for the summer (something about stress and social interaction). While I’d deeply love to tour the Lake District with you and Uncle G, the sibs and I have been invited to a week-long house party at Netherfield Hall, which mother has been ecstatic about since she got the host to sign his rental agreement (as I’m sure you’ve heard). I’ll see you when you stop at Longbourne, though, and we can catch up then.

Love,

Lizzie

~~~

**MESSAGE HISTORY – 06/05/XX TO 06/14/XX**

**CONTACT: JANE BENNET (XXX-XXX-XXXX)**  
**STORAGE SPACE: 28.35KB**

**CONTACT: FITZ D. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)**  
**STORAGE SPACE: 19.42KB**

**CONTACT: LOU H. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)**  
**STORAGE SPACE: 0.06KB**

~~~

**CHARLIE B’S BALLER AF NETHERFIELD HALL SCAVENGER HUNT EXTRAORDINAIRE – 06/15/XX**

What’s up, guests, and welcome to the day’s activity: a park-wide scavenger hunt. There are various clues hidden in places around the Hall, and it’s you and your teammate’s job to find all of the pieces to point yourselves towards the final prize!

The teams are as follows:

Jane B. & Charles B.  
Mac B. & Elinor D.  
Frank C. & Jane F.  
Anne E. & Frederick W.  
Mary B. & Anne D.

Elizabeth B. & Fitz D.  
Maria C. & Emma W.  
Sophia C. & Kerry F.  
Marianne D. & Catherine M.  
Lydia B. & Georgiana D.

Catherine B. & Eleanor T.  
George K. & Charlotte L.  
Henry C. & Frederica V.  
Caroline B. & Louisa H.

Each team will begin with a starter clue, which should set you off on your quests! Don’t bother asking Charles about any of the clues, he didn’t write, hide, read, or otherwise have any hand in their creation. Good luck!

Food and other refreshments will be available in the kitchen, and there’s also coolers with bottled water in all of the follies. If you have any sort of emergency, call XXX, or Callie Heddon, the groundsperson at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: MERRY-TON CATERING – 06/15/XX**  
**CONTACTS: JANE E., ALICE F., BERTHA M., EDWARD R., […]**

**> > JANE E.: **just an update

**> > JANE E.: **two of the toffs we're supposed to be giving hints to are going at it in the folly behind the hall

**> > JANE E.: **you know

**> > JANE E.: **in case you wanna avoid That

                           **> > ME: **going at it like going at it or like going at it

**> > JANE E.: **....both? like full on make-outs followed by shouting

**> > BERTHA M.: **what are they yelling about

**> > JANE E.: **i don't know bertha, i didn't stick around to take a survey about their interpersonal drama

**> > JANE E.: **but if the words that carried are any indication

**> > JANE E.: **it's, uh, political theory and romantic agency

**> > JANE E.: **or something

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE – 06/15/XX**  
**CONTACTS: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**

**> > JB:** has anyone seen eliza lately?

**> > JB: **i haven’t seen her since dinner

**> > JB:** and Charles and I are still looking for our last clue

**> > MERBEAR:** anne says she saw liz and her cousin go up to the roman folly

**> > MERBEAR: **but that was a couple hours ago

**> > KITKAT:** Eleanor and I are back at the house, I’ll check her room

**> > LYDS:** I missed lizzie at lunch, and George says she didn’t see her brother down in the dining room

**> > LYDS:** Should I have her text him

**> > JB:** Yes please

**> > KITKAT: **Jane? JANE?

**> > KITKAT: **Her stuff’s gone

**> > JB: **Are you sure it was the right room?

**> > KITKAT: **Charlie made all those nameplates, remember

**> > KITKAT: **And I asked louisa and caro to make sure

~~~

**GROUP CHAT: BENNET’S FIVE – 06/15/XX**

**TEXTS SEEN BY: JB, KITKAT, LYDS, MERBEAR**  
**YET TO VIEW: ELIZABETH BENNET**

**INFORMATION ACCESSED AT: 6:37PM**

~~~

**CALL LOG – ELIZABETH BENNET (XXX-XXX-XXXX)**

**MISSED CALL: JB (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 6:45PM, 06/15/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: JB (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 7:21PM, 06/15/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: JB (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 8:08PM, 06/15/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: JB (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 9:37PM, 06/15/XX**  
**MISSED CALL: JB (** XXX-XXX-XXXX **) | 10:02PM, 06/15/XX**

~~~

**CONTACT: ELIZA (MOBILE) – 06/15/XX, 11:49PM**

**> > ELIZA:** jane, I’m fine

**> > ELIZA:** I’m at home

**> > ELIZA:** I’m sorry for not picking up

**> > ELIZA: **I just…I needed to be alone

                           **> > ME:** Elizabeth Virginia Bennet

                           **> > ME:** I don’t know whether to hug you or kick you

~~~

**CONTACT: FITZY-BITZY (MOBILE) – 06/16/XX, 2:14AM**

**> > FITZ:** hey, george, i had to leave netherfield early, something came up

**> > FITZ:** tell charlie i’m sorry and i’ll see him at the end of summer

                           **> > ME:** bro

                           **> > ME:** what did you do

~~~

**FROM: ELIZABETH.BENNET@QUEENS.OX.AC.UK**  
TO: M_GARDINER@GMAIL.CO.UK  
SUBJECT: RE: LAKE DISTRICT  
DRAFT EDITED: 6:28AM, 06/16/XX  
SENT: 06:33AM, 06/16/XX

Auntie Mairin,

~~Apologies for the delay in replying, Jane made me take a week’s break from e-mail after I got home for the summer (something about stress and social interaction). While I’d deeply love to tour the Lake District with you and Uncle G, the sibs and I have been invited to a week-long house party at Netherfield Hall, which mother has been ecstatic about since she got the host to sign his rental agreement (as I’m sure you’ve heard). I’ll see you when you stop at Longbourne, though, and we can catch up then.~~

I’d love to go with you and Uncle G to the Lake District, and can’t wait to see you at Longbourne!

Love,

Lizzie

**Author's Note:**

> My eyes are red, my fingers are tired, my timeline is…accurate? If you spot any mistakes let me know. 
> 
> Written for the prompts: Jane Bennet & Elizabeth Bennet & Mary Bennet & Catherine Bennet & Lydia Bennet, Elizabeth Bennet & Catherine de Bourgh, “I love epistolary fic – not necessarily just in the form of actual letters; in a modern setting voicemail, emails, texts, blog posts, message board transcripts, Facebook or Twitter posts will work, in any combination.”
> 
> I know absolutely nothing about the process of writing a thesis at any level for a UK university, any and all things I say here are based on pure conjecture and the desire to have Lady C be frosty in the form of An Academic E-Mail. (With that, I should mention: the e-mails I use in this may or may not reflect the ones of actual, for real people. Please don’t e-mail them to find out.)
> 
> Other things I don’t know about: housing prices, rental contracts, rugby seasons, the list goes on.


End file.
